Was it just a fling or is this thing for real? The holiday tan and laid-back atmosphere of travel confuse easily. I remember myself saying that I wasn´t the kind of person for a long-distance relationship. None of my friends was and I thought people at home would tell me I was crazy. But how could I be so sure? I guess it´s normal to be cynical at the beginning.

Before I knew it we were having endless Skype conversations. We tried to stay distracted during the day while bearing the countdown until we would meet again. I called it the darn circle of separation anxiety of waiting meeting and saying goodbye . There´s simply no getting used to and as the circle continues, you wonder if it´s worth all the trouble.

I´ve learned a lot about love across borders the last couple of years. Here are some thoughts:

Bridging Multiple Distances

International lovebirds measure distance not only in kilometers, but also in hours, in days, in language barriers and in cultural differences. Whereas the abundance of lonely days probably hurt the most, getting to know each other’s language and culture is also an important part of this intense journey travelled together – and apart.

Although it has only been a couple of years that Jan and I began our love story, I´ve funnily enough already forgotten most of the inconvenience of living on a longer distance and not being able to communicate properly with his family. The countdowns and the goodbyes also have faded away. Nevertheless, the good and the fun memories remain.

I think it is easier to presevere the first phase of the multicultural romance when being aware of the fact that the discomforts of the mentioned distances are only temporarily and can eventually all be eased. To those who are still getting to know each other better mostly through digital devices: It´s hard work, but it would be a pity to give up too soon!

Absence is to love what the wind is to fire.
When it’s a small fire? The wind kills it.
But when it’s a real fire? It intensifies it.

Visualizing Your Future Life (Together)

Another valuable learning is the benefit of visualization of your future life. Whereas same-culture couples usually live from day to day for a longer period of time, international couples are forced to think about their individual and joint future in a fairly early stage of their relationship.

Obviously, you don´t have to plan the rest of your lives in detail. However, if moving to his country means having to give up some of your dreams and goals in life, you should be aware of that to avoid regret at a later stage. Visualize your future, discuss each other´s expectations, and find compromises when necessary before taking this big step.

Some key questions to contemplate:
Where do you see yourself a couple of years from now? Do you think to be able to adapt to his culture? Do you expect to miss your family and friends too much? Will you be able to find personal fulfillment in his country? Is there a chance to follow your dreams anyway? Or maybe an adjusted kind of it?

Of what I´ve seen in my surroundings so far, many intercultural relationships are strong and healthy despite the extreme changes it involves for at least one of both parties. I don´t want to state anything here, but I can imagine that one of the reasons for this success could be the early visualization of their future life together. Making sure to get on the same paper as soon as possible, could that be the secret?

Take the Risk & Write that Love Story

What people give up for love is very special; it´s requires being completely honest with your feelings. I strongly believe that when the key values of both persons coincide and you are on the same wave-length regarding future expectations, any other obstacle can be overcome.

I believe in intercultural relationships
because they are driven by the spirit of
the universal human value of love

There is proof all around the world that persons of the most unexpected culture-combinations can live and love globally. They all dared to take the chance without the guarantee for security. They had the courage to do so because they realized that every life-changing step has it´s risks. Surrender and find out how it can be so worth it!

Life is inherently risky.
there is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs,
and that is the risk of doing nothing.
Denis Waitley