Most expats don´t expect to get emotionally effected that strongly by the sudden change of living environment. I was one of them. By now I think it is realistic to expect that at one point you will feel sad, lost, and/or lonely. Prior to your departure, you can think of how to minimize these emotional down times. Consider the following 6 tips to get emotionally prepared and reduce the emotional shock at your new host country.
Tip #1 – Getting to know the culture
Cross cultural understanding is fundamental for a successful expatriate experience. It will help you to resolve daily life issues and personal conflicts in your mind. You can inform yourself on beforehand to get to know the culture you soon will be immersed by. Use the Internet and talk to other expatriates about their experiences in your host country. Look into issues such as customs and traditions, religion, food, ways of expressing and clothing, traffic and transportation, etc. Try to gather as much background information as you can in order to develop a good understanding of your destination´s culture.
If possible, visit the country you are planning to live. Short visits won´t give you the opportunity to experience the real daily life. Nevertheless, going there does give you a great chance to have a first impression of the culture.
Tip #2 – Learning the local language
When you are planning on staying for a long period of time, mastering the local language is as much a practical thing as an emotional thing. I give you three reasons how making the effort of learning the local language can influence your emotional well-being.
- Before reaching a certain language level you are comfortable with, you will feel like a smaller version of yourself. You are not able to say what you want to say, and you will find yourself regularly pointing at things. Frustration and embarrassment are common feelings in this stage.
- If you cannot communicate with the locals in their language, it is difficult to make new friends. This increases the chances of isolation and loneliness.
- When you do speak the local language it will become easier to get to know the locals, which boosts your understanding of the people and their culture. As a result, knowing the language will significantly speed up your integration process.
The earlier you start learning the local language, the better. I recommend starting at your home country with learning grammar rules and conversational basics.
Tip #3 – Searching contact with other expats
If you don´t know any locals in your new living area and you just started learning the basics of the local language, I would consider searching contact with other expats. Even if you tend to integrate to the fully, for the first couple of months it can be very comforting to get to know other internationals. They can tell you all the ins and outs of the culture and surroundings, and maybe introduce you to some locals. All over the world there are many international groups that bring together expatriates or internationals travelling the world.
You can check if Internations is available in your city or a city nearby, or look for language schools that organize get-togethers with their students. The international way of living is very dynamic; expats are always open to get to know new people and they tend to have a big interest in people from different cultures. So don´t hesitate and take advantage of the possibilities that your new living environment offers you. You are about to meet people you would otherwise never have the chance to know.
And remember: you are not the only expat woman. You will always be able to find others, either close by or on the Internet. Contacting women with similar experiences will help you either way.
Tip #4 – Setting up communications
Keep in touch with your loved ones by arranging of a way to communicate. As soon as you step into that plane, the relationship won´t be the same anymore. From now on communication at a distance is standard. Think of the best way for you and your family and friends to stay in touch. Decide for a medium where you can reach the majority of your contacts, for instance email, Facebook or a blog. For more private communication Skype is an excellent opportunity (as long as you have a good internet connection). If you are not familiar with those digital media try them out before you leave and make sure all the important people have the same equipment installed.
At my goodbye party, I organized Facebook for my parents and my 87 year old grandma. Can you believe she is actually using it? I am very proud of my cyber Omi. So no excuses for nobody, you are never too old to learn new things!
Tip #5 – Organizing your belongings
Moving abroad forces you to reduce your belongings. You find it difficult to choose? I have the solution. I followed the advice of one of my former colleagues to pick “my favorite things”. I really liked that approach because of the emotional touch of it. I made a list with my absolute favorite things and wrote down: my favorite clothes, shoes and jewelry, a couple of books, laptop and camera, and pictures of family and friends. After packing this emotional luggage, I was able to see how much space was left and I added some practical things: electrical converters, cheese slicer (what can I say? I am Dutch!), and my snorkeling equipment.
Packing our lives into 4 suitcases – not so difficult after all !
I first thought I would miss the rest of my stuff, but I haven´t so far. On the contrary, I enjoyed starting our new life in a calm home. It radiates energy and tranquility at the same time. I realized expatriation is the perfect moment to get rid of redundant belongings.
Possessions are not the most important aspect of life. The most important aspect you carry with you at all times and doesn´t weigh anything; your own precious memories – your real emotional luggage. The kind that gains importance every day as soon as you live at a longer distant from the places that treasure it. So make that list with favorite things and store the rest of it!
Tip #6 – Saying goodbye
The last step of getting emotionally prepared is saying goodbye. Going-away parties are often heart-wrenching and for you full of mixed feelings. On the one hand you are sad to leave great people, on the other hand the expatriate farewell also means looking forward to a new life, adventure and moving forward in the path of life. Try to see all important people before you leave, have fun, take pictures and focus on the future rather than the past.
I didn´t see all my family and friends before we left to Mexico. Since I was working and living in Germany I wasn´t able to visit everybody in the Netherlands. We threw a goodbye party in Cologne, saw our closest relatives, and left. Looking back at it, it feels as if we kind of rushed out of Europe. Later on, this gave me a very uncomfortable feeling. I had not been aware of the importance of saying goodbye. Now I can´t wait to see everybody again. But I know things won´t be the same when I am back, because everybody and everything changes. I didn´t say goodbye to the “old” situation…
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Expatriation will lead you along unexpected paths. It takes a lot courage and flexibility to start this new life. The practical preparations are essential, but don´t underestimate the psychological side of the expatriate adventure. I hope my tips help you to prepare yourself the proper way. Do you have more tips on how to get emotionally prepared for expatriation? Please share your experience, ideas and feedback via the comment section below.
