I have never been as aware of my appearance as in Mexico. My profile: 1.60m, white skin, dark blond hair and blue eyes. You could describe me as “western” I suppose. Back home in the Netherlands I don´t stand out from the crowd and walking down the brick-paved streets of Amsterdam gives me this great feeling of anonymity of the big city. I can go wherever I feel like and do whatever I want without people constantly looking at me.
In Guadalajara, I do get a lot of attention – despite the fact that many Mexicans of mixed European and indigenous ancestry share my profile. I divide this type of appearance-based attention into two groups: pleasant and unpleasant. It has happened a lot that people tell me con todo respeto with all due respect that they think I´m beautiful and they like my clear blue eyes. I´ve received this type of compliments of both men and women, usually of adults.
There is really no reason to perceive those comments as unpleasant. Seriously, who wouldn´t react happily surprised to well-meant compliments of strangers – especially when you´re not used to receiving this type of praise back home? I smile and say thank you, and start a conversation by introducing a different topic. They respond normally and soon we have an enjoyable talk going on. I take that as a sign that the compliment was a conversation starter in the first place anyway.
The unpleasant kind of attention is more complicated to deal with though. I´m referring to staring, whistling or shouting and it includes unwelcome sexual advances of Latino men in the streets…
From Bad to Worse
The staring I can handle. Encountering western people like me is indeed very uncommon in some places of the city, so I can fully understand that. I even caught myself staring at a western guy on the bus the other day. It happens automatically. But everything beyond staring is simply obnoxious.
The type of Latino men who would want to get your attention for some vague reason has a laundry list of tricks. It´s repertoire ranges from whistling, shouting, honking, making weird cheche-noises as if we were dogs, to sexual advances such as kissing-sounds and licking lips or teeth, imitating wolf howling, or they would simply mumble something inaudible when walking past you.
I´ve had them all, unfortunately. It doesn´t happen every day, but it happens frequently enough to feel disturbed by it. When I´m with Jan they leave me alone, but when I walk by myself they “catch” me. They wouldn´t physically touch or grope me though, which leaves in my opinion only one option: This kind of behavior doesn´t have a clear purpose and is plain attention seeking.
Dealing with Unabashed Attention Seekers
The sexual advances bring out the worst in me; I feel offended and bear a grudge against everyone who thinks having the right to treat women like that. I think I don´t have to explain why this unacceptable behavior is deeply insulting. Living in such catwalk-feeling areas challenges our strength.
I usually pretend I don’t hear anything and just keep walking. But sometimes it´s so dreadful I feel the urge to put them in their place. My Mexican friends forbid me to though. It can be dangerous: You have no idea who you´re dealing with and what he´s capable of. They are right and I´m constrained to carry on.
Men like this put women in a helpless position: not only foreigners, but also local güeras – Mexican women with lighter skin, hair and eyes who are living with this conspicuous machismo behavior their whole lives. They shrug and try to ignore it. They say it´s a hopeless case anyway.
I´m convinced that this conflict doesn´t have an easy solution and especially not one within my reach as a foreigner. I believe that pushing the boundaries of these cultural expressions should be left to people who come from within the country, which leaves me extra helpless…
Be Prepared for Macho Attitudes
Is it just an expression of masculinity? Or is it a reflection of insecure men? Maybe they try to intimidate other men by intimidating us? I don´t have the answer. Fact is that the disrespectful macho approach is a problem faced by many female expats throughout Latin-America. Anyone moving there should be prepared.
How you can prepare yourself for this kind of attention? I can only think of three ways:
- Talk to other women about your feelings
- Try to ignore them as much as you can
- Learn to dress appropriately
In Amsterdam, not even in summerly dresses construction workers would stop working to whistle at me. And if they do – maybe in their break when they get bored and start watching the people biking by – I take it as a compliment and they put a smile on my face…
How about you? Can you relate? If so, how do you deal with a different treatment of men?
