Everything was different. Basics such as the dry air, risky tap water and perception of time. Everything was different except for one thing: my relationship. It was the only factor that hadn´t changed. We knew we could always rely on us.
One quick search on the Web and you´ll find out that countless variables of international relocation may have a negative influence on your relationship. This occasionally results into break ups abroad and even longtime marriages happen to be causal victims of this big life change.
We were mainly grateful to be both foreigners being able to understand and support each other to approach the changes and conquer the challenges. My relationship was good but it was about to become even better. Here´s a story from a different perspective:
♥ 5 Years Jan & Marleen ♥ 2 Years on a distance ♥
♥ 1 Year in Cologne ♥ 2 Years in Mexico ♥
Turning the Challenges into Growth
It´s said that relationships that didn´t make the adventure abroad, would most likely have broken up anyway. Since the change of environment is so extensive, differences in character become apparent more evidently – making couples realize they better go separate ways.
I believe that if you have a strong emotional connection and you´re willing to cooperate on all levels, there are good chances that you´ll come out stronger. In retrospect, the following 9 actions were most crucial for us to establish this.
9# Actions for Expat Couples:
1# TALK
The key to every successful relationship has never been as important. You both are the only two persons who truly understand what´s going on in your lives, so involve the other in your feelings and expectations. Express your concerns and brainstorm solutions together. Hiding your feelings and thoughts for your partner and trying to deal with them alone will only work counterproductive.
*Tip: Make it a habit to go out for dinner every same day of the week to 1) have fun getting to know the gastronomy in town and 2) discuss new developments on a regular basis.
2# COOPERATE
There is so much work to do and dividing the workload makes it less stressful. Moreover, transparent shares of activities avoid feelings of having a significant larger burden than the other. Look at what you´re good at, what´s your partner good at and what should you do together. Decide who´s going to do what and bring up the discipline to stick to the plan.
3# ENJOY
Whereas at home you were used to have partially separate lives, abroad you will first need time to find each own groups of friends and activities again. In the meantime, appreciate each other’s company and enjoy the abundance of time spend together. Fact is that you´ll significantly depend more on each other than before. Get used to that, too. Being best buddies makes it a lot easier.
4# INVOLVE
Keep each other posted on new things you´ve learned. Sometimes one partner learns, for example, the language faster than the other partner. As a consequence, he/she is able to make friends and understand the culture through its people sooner. Help with language struggles you´ve already mastered and keep your partner involved in whichever field to reach similar levels.
5# LOVE
A real big threat to your relationship: One partner is sensitive to the benefits of having the “foreign” status being attractive to the locals either physically or financially – or both. Be cautious of letting this kind of unwanted attention based on superficial assumptions get between the two of you. Always make sure to be each other´s number one priority no matter what.
6# MOTIVATE
It´s a long way till true dreamland. It may happen that the partner who initiated the idea of moving abroad is willing to work harder and have more patience than the other. Don´t loose your goal out of sight, motivate each other by reminding yourselves regularly of your initial motivations to get back that great feeling of enthusiasm.
7# DREAM
We all have to go pass obstacles and none of our original plans work out exactly as planned. Is it not the right business plan after all or the right country for both of you? Discuss the realities of each of your dreams, compromise and adjust your plans. Don´t let disappointing outcomes kill hopeful expectations for the future but keep on dreaming together.
8# CREATE
It´s fun to create your own little subculture combining traditions, food, language, celebrations, etc. Doing this together will open the dialogue about your experiences, distract from the struggles and direct your attention to the positive things. Revise old thinking patterns and find a new rhythm in life.
9# GROW
Grow both together and separately. It´s healthy to give each other space and build up partially separate lives again. Work together towards creation of the appropriate circumstances to be able to function autonomously. Think of speaking the language and getting around by car or public transportation. Then go do the things you love and make your own friends.
The Great Life-Changing Adventure for Couples
Life abroad has made us grow tremendously; In my opinion one of the most precious rewards of this experience. Although the action points aren´t much different from what “normal” couples do, at home we would probably have taken much longer to reach a similar level of connection.
Before we left to Mexico, Jan told me that he saw moving abroad together as a bigger sign of our love than getting married. After two years now, I can totally relate.
Schatzi, thank you for taking me with you on this adventure. Te amo! ♥
Have you moved abroad with your partner? How did that work out for you?
Don´t hesitate to share your experiences and tips in the section below.
